Resolutions

You hear it every where "New year, new you". Resolutions galore. This person will lose weight, that one will exercise more, someone else will save more money, another pay down debt. We promise ourselves we will be happier, healthier, richer. January goes well, February tends to be a let down and then all is lost, at least until swimsuit season. This year I had no clue what my resolution would be, but I have thought of a few things that really should be accomplished before 2012. Arend needs to be done with his pacifier and his diapers. Those two things seem like a given to me.

The next part is a little tricky. I had to look at what I don't like about me and decide what I can truly change. (I don't like my nostrils, but I'm not going to get plastic surgery, so that is out.) I also had to decide why I don't like it. (My nostrils are different sizes...) I have to think about who I want to be "when I grow-up" and how to get there from here. I would love to use cloth diapers, be crafty enough to sell home-made whatevers on Etsy, adopt some sweet little angels, and home-school through elementary. I would love to be able to use my gift of hospitality without being mortified when someone comes over. I would love to be disciplined enough to use my gym membership more often... The list goes on from there. However I have a few problems: I have no focus, I lose motivation very quickly, I love naps and I've pretty much thrown my self-confidence out the window years ago. I know some of the steps I need to take; get tested for ADD and then get medicated... (No matter how many non-doctors diagnose you, they won't give you the meds until it comes from someone with the proper credentials.) I would also benefit greatly from "therapy" with a "shrink". I need to stop listening to the negative lies, and start clinging to God's view of me.

So... Why don't I set up some appointments and reread my "God's Promises" book? Well, I have several excuses for you here. I don't have insurance, or the extra cash, for the Drs. and meds. I don't want to be away from my kids for visits with a therapist, and mostly because I'm scared. What if the meds don't help? What if the shrink says I'm a lost cause? What if I try to dig deeper and have to be honest with myself about some very painful things?!

You see, my "issues" seem to be surface things. My house is a mess and I'm at least 50 lbs overweight. God has been opening my eyes to the fact that it's all a cover up. If you tell me that my house is a mess I'll be offended, but it's not an attack on my character. If I get rid of all the cover ups, then there is nothing but vulnerable me.

The core of who I am.

What if some one doesn't like me? What if, after all of this, I'm still messed up and people know the truth? Am I ready to know the truth? I have a tendency to blame myself for things out of my control and deny responsibility for other things. I don't know if I'll be ok knowing that my best isn't good enough.

No matter what way I look at it, though, it's time to do something. Arend is getting to the age where he will be able to remember things for the rest of his life. I don't want him to remember being embarrassed about his house or mad that his mommy is too tired to play. I don't want to make excuses as to why people can't come over or why I never wear my favorite clothes in public.

It's time to grow up.

Once again a month has slipped by and no updates come from me. I feel like there is so much to fill everyone in on, unfortunately it's 5:20 and I need to leave for work in a few minutes. Let me just give these quick bragging updates:

Arend (2 yrs, 3 months) is becoming helpful around the house, not just trying to be helpful, but actually helping! He does pretty good at setting the table and picks up his toys like a champ. The other day I went to get him up from nap time and he had cleaned his room! ...He took EVERYTHING off the floor and stuffed it into his dresser drawer. (Ok, so that wasn't truly helpful b/c he put his dirty clothes in with all his clean stuff, but it still made my heart swell!) He is also being more articulate and working at using words instead of grunts, screams, and yelling.

Adaya (7 months) is sitting up fairly well on her own. She still hates tummy time but has been working on reaching for what she wants. (No crawling yet, which is fine with me!) She also has what appears to be a tooth wanting to pop. (Read: she gets crabby for no reason and drools ALL over) My favorite is how her laugh is starting to change. She has such a cute giggle and is more and more willing to give it out. She thinks her brother is hilarious and he loves making her laugh.

We have some great family moments on the living room floor watching Arend goof-off and Adaya go crazy because of it. It is such a blessing watching them together. She adores him and he is so gentle and loving toward her. These precious times help me reflect on God's love and peace. Some days watching my children strengthens my faith and passion for God more than any sermon could- and I have heard some GREAT sermons! =)

I need to leave for work now... Hopefully I will make time to update sooner than next month!

The last few days have been a whirlwind of costumes and candy! The tower for Princess Adaya was never made, but she did get a tiara and a wand. Arend the Dragon had many fits because of getting in and out of the car, sugar highs, the inevitable sugar lows, and the biggest fit of all... He didn't get to wear the tiara. This really upset him, so I made him some fire to hold on to. He felt much better after that. (It's amazing what a little card stock can do!) Instead of going to a neighborhood and knocking on strangers' doors, we decided to visit different people. This brought a lot of socializing and not much candy, both of which made me happy... I LOVE to socialize and since we had no trick-or-treaters (for some reason people don't want their kids getting candy from the dark house on the five lane road...) we didn't need anymore candy!

Now if someone can instruct me on how to upload pictures, I will post some of my adorable children! =)

Some people do "Wordless Wednesdays" This is a nice concept I suppose, but I think I'm going to try "Random Fridays":

~Did it bother anyone else that in my last post I used the word "due" instead of "do"? After I published the note, I saw that and almost edited the note just to fix one word...

~EVERY time my nails grow to the length I want them I get really excited... And then I bite them off. (Gross)

~I was about to discipline my son today for not listening, then he quickly closed his eyes and started to snore. Does he really think he will get out of trouble by making me think he's sleeping? Well... It worked I was laughing too hard to talk serious. I have a hard time finding my "mommy voice" sometimes.

~I would love to home-school my children through 5th grade.

~A few months ago I cut dairy out of my diet. We saved just over $30 a month b/c I wasn't eating cheese.

~I really want to adopt. Now.

The kids and I just spent several hours in the basement due to weather paranoia. All in all we did good. I brought the portable dvd player and food... Arend brought down some hangers... (I guess that was his hint for me to work on laundry.) We had a picnic on the futon and watched some of "Cars". My plan was to get a lot done... Laundry, make a halloween costume for Adaya, clean up all of the cat puke in the basement... I have a tiara made for Day, and scrapped dry puke off the floor. As far as laundry goes two loads have been washed/ dried, zero loads folded. Does anyone else do that? I don't mind washing the clothes, it's the putting away part that I can't stand. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. Maybe it's time to (insert scary music here) purge some clothes. (Yikes!!) I would love to be naturally motivated but it doesn't happen. I've been researching cloth diapers b/c I want to switch, but that won't happen b/c I don't due laundry. I've tried the one load a day method. Unfortunatly I forget about the load in the washer until a few days later then it's in need of being washed again to get the smell out. I've tried the marathon wash day, however the clothes find themselves crumpled in piles on the table down stairs, needing to be re-dried or ironed. There is one method that seems to work: Laundromat. I get everything washed and dried at the same time, and then fold/sort it all before I leave. I've tried to "park" myself in the basement and "pretend" it's just like the laundromat. I've set the timer so that I dedicate a few minutes after each load to fold it all... Sometimes I bring it upstairs and fold while the tv is on but without fail Arend comes around to help... (as I'm typing this the dryer is beeping at me and I'm pretending to not hear it) After a while I give up hope and find something to distract me (it's really not hard). Who needs clean, wrinkle free clothes anyway? Scrape off the chunks, spray some fabreeze and you are good to go!

Lets move on to more interesting topics. Like halloween costumes. Arend has a dragon costume already so all I need to do is paint flames on his face (his face pops out of the dragons mouth and I want him to look like a fire-breathing dragon) and to go along with his costume Adaya will be a princess. I've got a shirt and tutu, so I made a pipe-cleaner tiara and matching wand. The next big step is transforming her carseat into a tower without using a glue gun or sewing anything to the seat. All this needs to be done in a way that maintains the safety of the seat as well as the travel/carry ease. Did I mention we have a halloween party tonight? Maybe the dragon will be keeping the princess locked in the stroller instead of a tower... Or maybe the princess will have a sword instead of a wand causing the belief that she has freed herself from the dragon. (Girl power, anyone?) We will just have to wait and see what gets done. Then someday I will figure out how to post pictures and show you how it all turns out.

Time to go switch loads...

It has been pointed out to me that I should update my blog...

Since the last time I posted I have picked up a few regular clients and some new "once-in-awhile" clients. This is going alright. It's still hard to think about how much fun my kiddos are having while I'm at work, but I try to maintain a positive attitude and remember that God has me with these specific clients for a reason. I'm still loving my job, which is SO important.

Last time I posted I also told everyone about Brad's lay-off notice. Well, the Lord heard our prayers and gave Brad a job a week later! He works for Clark Associates ~ They have warehouse supplies and weird things that I don't remember the names for... Right now he is organizing their warehouse, setting up an inventory system and doing a few deliveries here and there. So far it seems like a great fit. They genuinely respect him and take his ideas seriously. The kids and I have taken him lunch and we were able to meet quite a few of his coworkers and the owners of the company. Arend approves, so that's all that really matters! =)

On the home front we have been having "adventures". The car I was driving got grounded due to brake issues, the car Brad is driving is a big slice of humble pie (if you feel like making others mad, drive this bad-boy on the highway!). The tranny is just about shot, so some days you just have to take your time. He is a great sport and doesn't complain about it at all. Then of course the toilets are leaking... My favorite is the downstairs toilet... It was leaking hot water! I giggled pretty good over that one... I was told I'm not allowed to fix it, so my hubby fixed the toilet one day with Arend supervising. They make a great team!

It's 5:30 am now and I need to leave for work, so I will leave you with what I read this morning for devos. I'm going through Oswald Chambers "Utmost" and the post for today started with this:

"A Christian worker has to learn how to be God’s man or woman of great worth and excellence in the midst of a multitude of meager and worthless things. Never protest by saying, “If only I were somewhere else!” All of God’s people are ordinary people who have been made extraordinary by the purpose He has given them."

~Jessie

Brad got his lay-off notice last week. Tomorrow is his last day. I'm picking up more hours, but truth be told, I want to stay home full time with the kiddos. Arend is so eager to learn and I love playing with him. No matter how mad you are, there he is ready to goof off and make you smile! Adaya is growing so quickly! She giggles and smiles all the time. She loves watching her big brother. I'm even to the point in my life where (big drum roll please...) I don't always mind cleaning... We aren't talking deep clean on your knees sort of a thing, but I'm getting to the point where I enjoy seeing the difference I can make in my home. I feel like it's not fair that I'm finally figuring out this house wife thing (after only 4 1/2 years) and now I have to work more. However, I am looking forward to watching my children flourish under the care of their daddy. Plus this will finally give Brad time to work on some projects he's been excited about. ::Quick Note- Brad and a friend do custom art work on discs, so if you know someone who loves disc golf, let us know!!:: I need to view this as another adventure God is leading us on and I need to be excited about how He will show Himself to us through it.

Yesterday at Community Bible Study the lead speaker told us about a missionary to China. As this missionary was coming home, a pastor of one of the underground churches said he would pray for the Church Body in America. The missionary was confused, b/c we have freedom of religion, so why would we need the prayer? The pastor's response was something like this "I will pray for persecution in America so that you will grow closer to God." In no way are we facing true persecution, but I need to remember that it's hardships like this that bring us closer to God. He is slowly refining us and melting us down so there is nothing left of us, just Him. God will meet our basic needs and provide us comfort as we let go of our wants. Now it's up to me to cling more fully to Him.

I guess this won't be so bad after all...